Okay so I know I must be in a state conflict or confusion because I have written and re-written this sentence five times. I have been asking myself, am I restless? Am I overwhelmed? Am I just struggling to get back into work? I have had a shift in energy; I feel like there is a change in the air. Is that a thing or am I going mad? What do you do in these times? I feel today like I’m going to implode. That something isn’t serving me; I just don’t know what. Is it a belief? An environment? Could it be blues or am I over thinking? I feel emotional, but I don’t know why perhaps it’s hormonal? Maybe I need to ask more questions and be prepared to go with whatever is showing up. I find this quite challenging as I tend to overthink, so asking more questions can lead down a tricky path.
Do people talk about this stuff anymore? In this world of fake that has become potently obvious from social media, I feel like we are shirking away from having more in-depth discussions. We think people have got it together way more than they do. On my holiday I shared some great times with my family. What I didn’t share was the upheaval, the challenges and frustrating we had with my two daughters. There were some SHITTY times where the girls were fighting, or we were struggling to understand the autism spectrum and making attempts to understand and learn how Annie acquaints with the world, and we were not having a great time. This is life right? Everyone experiences this, but I didn’t share that on social did I. I mean who wants to see that?
I think I thought the same of this post today, but I cant be untruthful. My promise is to be real, and this is real for me today.
I caught up with a friend who was going through a change recently, and she shared that she knew something was shifting but my friend didn’t know what, so my friend just kept focussing on what she wanted, her end goal and eventually it became clear. The question for me is what do I want, what is my end goal. What if its the end goal that is changing, do I even know right now?
So there you have my honesty, I don’t know the answer, and I’m in total confusion. Maybe I need to lose the control. All I know is I’m going to try not to resist. Ill get up to make dinner, work through the afternoon, keep moving through the process when you see me, an extra squeeze will be appreciated.
Until next week